At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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