I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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