i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
