Plan B is the new Plan A
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
