my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My ass is underappreciated
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
