i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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