Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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