even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
