My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is it penis luge time yet?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
