Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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