I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
