Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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