im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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