I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
