i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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