Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
