New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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