you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
