a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
