2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
