Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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