She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
