im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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