I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
