Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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