Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
