i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When did angry sex become our thing?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
