i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
