he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
