you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
