Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
