Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
