Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
