Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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