I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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