The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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