I need help removing her.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
