Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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