So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
