What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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