I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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