i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
