Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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