oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
