Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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