Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
