Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
