I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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