Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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