I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
