I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
