The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
